| What is success? Have you ever wondered why | | | | |
| it is that for | | | | ourselves, as well. "Above all else, respect |
| | | | thyself," said |
| some, everything works, and for others, | | | | |
| nothing works? Why | | | | Pythagoras. In order to love others, we must |
| | | | first love |
| is it that two people can have essentially | | | | |
| the same | | | | ourselves. We cannot pour from an empty |
| | | | container.Contemporary studies of behavioral |
| opportunities, but one person be happy and | | | | dysfunctions ranging |
| the other one | | | | |
| | | | from learning difficulties to criminal |
| miserable? Is it not, therefore, happiness | | | | activity indicate one |
| that constitutes | | | | |
| | | | common denominator: low self-esteem. Low |
| the true meaning of success?Success is | | | | self-esteem |
| happiness! Truly successful people are happy, | | | | |
| | | | grows out of fear of rejection -- rejection |
| | | | by a loved one, an |
| and when you are happy and whole in | | | | |
| yourself, all good | | | | employer, a stranger, anyone who might laugh |
| | | | at our efforts |
| things follow. Where then do happiness and | | | | |
| wholeness | | | | or who would misunderstand or disapprove. On |
| | | | the other |
| come from? How does a person who experiences | | | | |
| | | | hand, high self-esteem grows out of |
| | | | self-acceptance. |
| frustrations in life become whole? Can | | | | |
| personal wholeness | | | | Self-acceptance is self-love. Self-esteem |
| | | | comes from |
| provide happiness, improve self-esteem, and | | | | |
| lead to riches | | | | self-love. We cannot love anyone unless we |
| | | | love ourselves.FUNDAMENTAL 5The fifth |
| and fame, peace balance and harmony? Can | | | | fundamental is that acceptance is mastery. |
| relationships | | | | Loving |
| | | | |
| with family, friends and associates be | | | | unconditionally suggests accepting others as |
| improved because | | | | they are. |
| | | | |
| one person assumes the responsibility to be | | | | Furthermore, loving unconditionally suggests |
| personally | | | | accepting |
| | | | |
| whole, takes the initiative to exude joy and | | | | yourself as a whole and complete being on |
| happiness, | | | | the journey of |
| | | | |
| seizes the opportunity to empower his or her | | | | learning we call life.Acceptance, love, and |
| own life by | | | | forgiveness are as necessarily |
| | | | |
| using the secret of the ages? The answers to | | | | interrelated as each side of a triangle is |
| all these | | | | to the triangle as a |
| | | | |
| questions lie in the seven fundamentals of | | | | whole. Acceptance is the natural process we |
| the master | | | | knew as |
| | | | |
| secret.FUNDAMENTAL 1The first fundamental is | | | | children. When light faded into night, each |
| you - the absolutely awesome and | | | | of us accepted |
| | | | |
| incredible you! Not the you of self-doubt, | | | | that this just was the way it worked, and we |
| not the you that | | | | learned to live |
| | | | |
| fears rejection or failure, not the you that | | | | accordingly. As we grew older we began to |
| questions your | | | | manipulate our |
| | | | |
| abilities, but the real you! Those other | | | | world by means of electricity. Some things |
| "yous" are not you. | | | | in the world can |
| | | | |
| They are synthetic yous built upon limited | | | | and even should be manipulated to our |
| and false notions | | | | benefit -- turning the |
| | | | |
| of who you are and what you may become. For | | | | dark into a bright space by flipping a light |
| most of us | | | | switch may be one |
| | | | |
| those false notions originate as we mature. | | | | of them. But there are other elements in our |
| In our very early | | | | environment |
| | | | |
| attempts to achieve acceptance, we often | | | | over which we have absolutely no control, |
| trade off our real | | | | nor should we. |
| | | | |
| selves. The desire to be loved is so strong | | | | Attempting to change other people into what |
| that many of us | | | | we want them |
| | | | |
| give up love or respect for ourselves in | | | | to be by manipulating them is what many of |
| order to obtain | | | | us have spent |
| | | | |
| security. That trade-off never works, | | | | our lives doing.The best way in which each |
| because what we are | | | | of us can influence our |
| | | | |
| insecure about in the first place exists | | | | environment is in our presence of being. |
| within ourselves.Happiness is a state of | | | | When we accept |
| mind. The kingdom is within. The | | | | |
| | | | other people for who and what they are, we |
| real you is a higher you, a higher power | | | | have taken the |
| that resides within | | | | |
| | | | first step toward accepting ourselves and |
| you or is available to you whenever you ask | | | | contributing to the |
| or seek. The fact | | | | |
| | | | improvement of any condition or situation. |
| is, it is your birthright to manifest the | | | | Krishnamurti |
| glory of the incredible | | | | |
| | | | once stated that "you are the world." When |
| you. You absolutely have the power and | | | | we reflect peace |
| ability to experience | | | | |
| | | | and joy from an inner level of being, the |
| all the bounties of life, to experience many | | | | world mirrors it back |
| literal miracles in | | | | |
| | | | to us. When we judge, condemn, hate, lust, |
| your life -- for you yourself are a miracle, | | | | and so on, the |
| and all that you are | | | | |
| | | | world shows us these qualities. The world is |
| or can ever be is a gift!So the first | | | | a mirror, for |
| fundamental is you. The power resides within | | | | |
| | | | the principal function of the world is to |
| you. No one else can do it for you. Your | | | | provide us the |
| thoughts are | | | | |
| | | | opportunity to learn.What we resist we often |
| reflections of your expectations. What has | | | | become. What we like least in |
| been sown in | | | | |
| | | | another is almost always a reflection of |
| your subconscious mind is what you reap. | | | | something in |
| Doubt produces | | | | |
| | | | ourselves. When we love and accept |
| failure, fear yields anger, and belief in | | | | ourselves, we love and |
| limitation is the | | | | |
| | | | accept others. Each individual who comes |
| greatest of all self-fulfilling | | | | into our lives is a |
| prophecies.FUNDAMENTAL 2The second | | | | |
| fundamental is that thoughts are things. The | | | | teacher. Each has something to contribute to |
| | | | our learning. |
| thoughts we have reveal the beliefs we have | | | | |
| about | | | | We in turn have something to contribute to |
| | | | their learning. |
| ourselves.Listen to how we talk to | | | | |
| ourselves. Is the language from the | | | | When viewed from this perspective, our every |
| | | | transaction |
| inside reflecting optimism, or is it filled | | | | |
| with negative and | | | | with another individual transcends the |
| | | | limitations of |
| self-limiting ideas?What you expect is what | | | | |
| you get. Science refers to this | | | | manipulation.The fifth fundamental has been |
| | | | called the Golden Rule. |
| phenomenon as the Pygmalion effect. It is a | | | | |
| fact: if you | | | | Treat others as though they were you, and |
| | | | treat according to |
| expect the worst, you get it. And some of us | | | | |
| must love it, | | | | the best you there is, and the rest just |
| | | | happens. What goes |
| because we keep on getting it! Oh, we may | | | | |
| complain about | | | | out is what you get back. Just as the story |
| | | | in the Bible of the |
| it, we may yell and scream when it happens, | | | | |
| but what do | | | | prodigal son teaches us that God has already |
| | | | accepted and |
| most of us do about it? Most of us speak and | | | | |
| act as though | | | | forgiven us, so this fundamental suggests |
| | | | that for many of |
| there is absolutely nothing we can do about | | | | |
| it. After all, isn't | | | | us the least of our brothers and sisters has |
| | | | been ourselves! |
| life full of "normal" events that produce | | | | |
| "normal" responses? | | | | Accepting and loving ourselves provides the |
| | | | ability to accept |
| Isn't it normal to become angry for being | | | | |
| cut off in five o'clock | | | | and love others, just as accepting and |
| | | | loving others |
| traffic? Isn't it normal to become fearful | | | | |
| when the boss | | | | provides the ability to accept and love |
| | | | ourselves.FUNDAMENTAL 6Martin Luther King |
| speaks harshly? Isn't it normal to be | | | | once said, "I can never be what I ought to |
| frustrated with a child's | | | | |
| | | | be until you are what you ought to be, and |
| lack of respect or self-responsibility? | | | | you can never be |
| Isn't it normal to | | | | |
| | | | what you ought to be until I am what I ought |
| become stuck or just fed up?Such reactions | | | | to be." He went |
| may be normal, but are they appropriate or | | | | |
| | | | on to say that the mutually related network |
| conducive to happiness? Has anger ever | | | | of reality is the |
| produced a | | | | |
| | | | fabric of the human condition.The sixth |
| peaceful sense of harmony within you? Has it | | | | fundamental, then, is interdependence, the |
| ever solved a | | | | |
| | | | principle that each of us is an aspect of |
| problem or led to anything other than more | | | | the whole. Each of |
| anger, guilt, and | | | | |
| | | | us invites respect or disrespect according |
| feelings of being out of control? Such | | | | to what we give |
| reactions may be | | | | |
| | | | others, all others. Down through the ages |
| normal, but another word for normal is | | | | this concept has |
| average, which can | | | | |
| | | | been given many labels, including the |
| be defined as the best of the worst and the | | | | popular label karma. |
| worst of the best. | | | | |
| | | | In law it is called reciprocity. What we sow |
| Neither end of this definition is the | | | | is indeed what |
| highest best of who you | | | | |
| | | | we reap.Interdependence means individually |
| really are.You are your thoughts. You | | | | assuming |
| manifest your thoughts, your | | | | |
| | | | responsibility for any condition that is |
| subconscious beliefs, in everything you | | | | contrary to the quality |
| experience. Do you | | | | |
| | | | of humanness in its highest form and then |
| believe you deserve happiness, wholeness, | | | | acting to |
| and success? | | | | |
| | | | produce, out of the condition or situation, |
| You must truly know at all levels of your | | | | balance and |
| being that all good | | | | |
| | | | harmony for all. That is not to say that we |
| things are yours in order for them ever to | | | | take up causes |
| be yours. You | | | | |
| | | | and then shove them down someone else's |
| create your own realities. Events are not | | | | throat. It is to |
| pivotal points in | | | | |
| | | | say that we can work in harmony through |
| your life, you are the pivotal point in your | | | | example and right |
| life. When your | | | | |
| | | | action to produce an environment that is |
| thoughts are in agreement with your desires, | | | | loving and |
| your desires | | | | |
| | | | nurturing for all.Many people operate in a |
| will magically materialize.FUNDAMENTAL 3The | | | | codependent manner. Their |
| third fundamental is to forgive and let go. | | | | |
| That idea may | | | | method of assuming responsibility is to |
| | | | manipulate others |
| be a bit startling at first, but think about | | | | |
| it for a minute. Do | | | | by placing blame, finding fault, or assuming |
| | | | a contractual |
| you consider yourself to be a victim? A | | | | |
| victim of your | | | | posture that goes like this: "If I do this, |
| | | | will you...?" or, "If you |
| circumstances? Or are you willing to assume | | | | |
| responsibility | | | | loved me, you would..." or, "Don't you feel |
| | | | sorry that I feel..." |
| for who you are? There are two ways to be | | | | |
| tied up in the | | | | or, "You need me to...," and so on. |
| | | | Codependence is |
| world. One is to be tied, literally, by | | | | |
| someone else and the | | | | manipulating another person to provide you |
| | | | with security, |
| other is to tie yourself, figuratively, by | | | | |
| refusing to let go of | | | | sensation, and power. If someone else cannot |
| | | | live or |
| beliefs that limit your expression of the | | | | |
| whole and complete | | | | function without you, then your self-worth |
| | | | has been validated |
| being you are. In other words, as long as | | | | |
| you displace | | | | -- and vice versa. A codependent is a |
| | | | victim, a victim both of |
| responsibility by blaming someone or | | | | |
| something for who | | | | his or her surroundings and of other people. |
| | | | The need to |
| and what you are, you remove from yourself | | | | |
| the power to be | | | | control another person is a classic symptom |
| | | | of |
| anything other than partial and | | | | |
| incomplete.All behavior is the result of | | | | codependency. Codependency grows out of |
| choice. Sometimes our choices | | | | insecurity. All |
| | | | |
| are made at an unconscious or a subconscious | | | | insecurities are externally oriented. The |
| level. For | | | | codependent sees |
| | | | |
| example, we choose to avoid conflict by | | | | stimuli through the lens of expectation. |
| repressing our true | | | | Expectation is a |
| | | | |
| feelings. Later our true feelings become so | | | | contract that goes like this: "I will behave |
| strong that we | | | | this way, if you |
| | | | |
| can no longer suppress them, and some small | | | | behave this way;" or, "If you behave that |
| incident | | | | way, I will behave |
| | | | |
| triggers an overkill response. That is a | | | | that way." The fear of unfulfilled |
| reactive model -- we | | | | expectations gives rise to |
| | | | |
| have lost control. When we assume | | | | internal conflict.Happiness is a state of |
| responsibility for every | | | | being. It exists moment to moment |
| | | | |
| aspect of our lives, we get in touch with | | | | in the eternal now. If happiness doesn't |
| our deepest fears | | | | exist, conflict takes |
| | | | |
| and feelings. The power we gain over our | | | | its place -- even if the conflict is only |
| former, reactive | | | | the difference between |
| | | | |
| behavior, provides us with the ability to | | | | what we think we should be experiencing and |
| respond | | | | we are |
| | | | |
| appropriately to all stimuli. That is a | | | | experiencing. In other words, when we have |
| proactive model -- we | | | | what we desire, |
| | | | |
| are always in control.It has been said that | | | | we experience joy. Furthermore, when what we |
| the highest act of consciousness is | | | | experience |
| | | | |
| inhibition - inhibition of animal | | | | is unconditional, as opposed to contractual, |
| stimulus-response | | | | then we |
| | | | |
| conditioning. When we accept responsibility | | | | experience only joy.Insecurity fuels fear, |
| for our every | | | | and fear is a very creative force. What |
| | | | |
| thought and action, we empower ourselves by | | | | we fear most is therefore very often what we |
| performing | | | | create as our |
| | | | |
| the highest act of consciousness: inhibiting | | | | experience. Instead of accepting what is, we |
| the animal | | | | project what |
| | | | |
| stimulus-response reaction. But that means | | | | might be or lament what might have been. We |
| we no longer | | | | are |
| | | | |
| have anyone to blame.In fact, as long as we | | | | responsible only for ourselves individually. |
| blame, we effectively eliminate our | | | | We must be |
| | | | |
| ability to grow, to be in control, or to | | | | whole before any event in our lives will be. |
| experience peace, | | | | Therefore, true |
| | | | |
| balance, and harmony. Power to grow resides | | | | interdependence assumes the role of "fixing" |
| in | | | | oneself.FUNDAMENTAL 7The seventh fundamental |
| | | | is the culmination of all the |
| forgiveness. Forgiving and letting go will | | | | |
| set us free. | | | | fundamentals of success. That culminating |
| | | | principle is this: |
| Forgiving everyone, including ourselves, | | | | |
| provides the | | | | Do it now. This is a world of action, not |
| | | | procrastination. For |
| opportunity to become more than we have | | | | |
| been, which for | | | | anything to change, you must do the |
| | | | changing. Nothing |
| many is but a mere shadow of our real | | | | |
| selves. And the irony | | | | happens until you make it happen! Only you |
| | | | can do it for you.If the world was a world of |
| of all this is that most of us know that we | | | | theory, then none of us would be |
| are much more | | | | |
| | | | here. Nothing in this world stands still or |
| than we have acted out our lives to | | | | waits. No action is |
| be!FUNDAMENTAL 4The most powerful force in | | | | |
| the world is love. Love cancels | | | | inaction and all inaction is action. The |
| | | | form and the function |
| fear. Fear is the only obstacle that must be | | | | |
| overcome in | | | | are the same. Live with the awareness that |
| | | | God's presence |
| order for all of our experiences to take on | | | | |
| new dimensions | | | | exists in all!(Note: This article was |
| | | | originally published in MIND BODY |
| of meaning and joy. This love is not | | | | |
| romantic love between | | | | SPIRIT).Eldon Taylor, Ph.D. is the author of |
| | | | over 400 books, tapes |
| lovers but the unconditional love that we | | | | |
| give our children. | | | | and videos ( His work in personal |
| | | | |
| We are all children in some relative stage | | | | empowerment led to receiving the coveted |
| of development, | | | | International |
| | | | |
| learning how to live in joy and happiness. | | | | Peace Prize awarded by The United Cultural |
| When we truly | | | | Convention in |
| | | | |
| understand this truth, it becomes easy to | | | | 2005. He is currently the director of |
| forgive another of | | | | Progressive Awareness |
| | | | |
| acts that are selfish and self-centered -- | | | | Research. |
| and forgive | | | | |